My Blood and Spirit
by crazyasssoul
Summary: It had been centuries since the last known elf had gone dark. Not one really knew why she did, that she kept to herself. It had been three years since she last saw everyone, including him. What would he think of his beloved now? Contains spoilers. SolasxLavellan pairing. I kind of suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I thought this up a bit ago but I wanted to get it just right. I owe the idea of "darkness" to Islenthatur who wrote a story Going Dark on the Strange Magic movie. It gave me an idea for this one, hope you all enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own (though I wish I did) Dragon Age Inquisition or it's characters.**

She slowly opened her eyes, the sun gave off a now burnt orange as it danced its way down the wall. She turned her face to the left, closing her eyes as the last few rays of sun fell on her face, she tried to feel the warmth it would give off but nothing  
came. Openingher eyes again and slid out of bed, her feet hitting the cold stone. It was amusing to her how she never felt the warmth anymore, it didn't matter how often she tried, the warmth was gone from her. Now everything was as cold and  
dark as her heart.

She made her way to the vanity, drapped over the chair was her cloak. It was the only thing she didn't wear when she slept, her armour stayed on, no matter where she was. The blackened dragon hyde gave her an odd sense of security. Clasping the cloak  
around her chest, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Very rare that she would look in the mirror, she knew what she looked like, why other elves were afraid of her, and why others had avoided her, not knowing why.

Her skin was once a soft glow from the days she spent out on adventures in the sun, now it was almost fully grey. Her eyes that once shone like sparkling emeralds, were now dull, dark and lifeless. Her lips that were always a soft pink, now lay a dark  
grey against her, even her freckles had seemed to darkened, not being the brown they used to be. Her once short hair, now hung just below her breasts. It used to be a bright white, as though it was the finest silk, now it was like there was ash in  
her hair. She looked down at the vanity desk, there sat the pin she kept with her since she was a child. It was the last thing she had of her mother. At first glance, it looked like an average hair pin, but looking closer you could see the small slit  
that made around it. Pulling it apart it revealed an intricate blade, no bigger than her fore finger. The entire pin was a crimson colour, as though it was drenched in blood. There was a dragon designed into it, as though protecting the small blade  
inside. In a swift motion she pinned her hair in a bun. Pitting her hood and mask, which covered her face up to her eyes, she grabbed her bow. It hummed in her hands and glowed a soft blue before going back to its dark metal color. On either side  
of the grip were dragons engraved, one was almost entirely black, the other almost entirely white, she had named the bow Lin Ghi'la Elgara I Evune, it was a long name, she knew, but she rarely called it by it's name, their heads were close to the  
grip, looking out as though they would watch her arrows fly, the tails entwined all the way down to the tips. Both dragons had red gems for eyes that stood out against the darkened metal. She rested it on her back, grabbing the matching daggers, Elgara  
and Evune, sheathing them on either side of her thighs.

She looked out the window, the sun was barely keeping the streets lit, watching below as the few remaining people made their way through the streets. With her hood and mask securely in place, she leaped from the window, making her way from the rooftops  
down to the streets below. She never liked to stay in one place for long. Since the Inquisition disbanded, there wasn't a place she could call home, so she moved, from town to village, to just camping in the woods.

She didn't remember exactly when she turned dark. From what she could come up with, it was around the last time she saw Solas in the ruins. When he gave her no choice, and decided she couldn't share the burden, or even help him. When she had returned  
to Skyhold, it wasn't long after that did she see the changes. The laughing and smiling died, and killing became easier, no matter the target. Even Iron Bull had his worries. Many times they tried to talk to her, explain that things would be easier  
in time. She only watched them, the sadness and pity they held when they looked at her. That was 3 years ago.

She reached the small, makeshift gate at the edge of the village and gave a soft whistle. Her ears twitched and her head tilted, listening for the soft footsteps. Emerging from the forest was an all black Halla, it approached her, lowering it's head in  
a bow. She ran her hand softly over the head, reaching the base of its antlers. It give a soft rock of it's head in approval.

"Hello, Ma Da'assan." She mounted her. "Ghilani ma Falon." Da'assan rose to her hind legs then began to run, she kept her body close to the halla, the steps were barley audible. She watched as the tree's flew by, she never knew where Da'assan was going  
to take her, but she had trusted her, she was probably the only thing she trusted these days.

It had been 2 years since she found Da'assan. The young halla at the time was being chased by elvhen hunters, she watched as they laughed atthe poor thing being poked and stabbed with the sharpened poles. Something in her snapped as she approached  
them. One caught her eyes, fear spread throughout him as he called out to the others. Her name was barely a whisper upon their lips as they dropped to their knees.

"Esha'Lin…." Their heads were now touching the ground, they were begging for forgiveness.

She unsheathed Evune, the almost white metal hummed in her hand, she watched them carefully.

"Who's in charge?" Her voice dripped heavy with disdain. Her eyes settled on a elven woman who kept sneaking a glance up at her. Kneeling she let the tip of her dagger lift the woman's head so their eyes met, she saw the woman shuddered under her gaze.  
"Speak."

"We-we r-really didn't m-mean to…."

"To what? Harm an animal our culture holds sacred and protects? To kill because YOU believe it is fun?" The woman's eyes down casted, she let the dagger dig in a little deeper, drawing blood, the woman's eyes shot up again.

"I-it was already injured! I swear!"

"Instead of helping, you hunt? Ma'lin I Elgar Mya Elgara I Evune." In a swift motion, she withdrew Elgara. The woman was about to say something but her blades moved to fast at the woman's throat. The woman now laid at her feet as blood poured around her  
body. Standing she turned to the three others. They stared at their fallen companion. "Is the message clear?" They all shook their heads, none meeting her gaze. "Josa." In an instant they all took off, never once looking back. She stepped over the  
woman and made her way to the halla, sheathing her blades, she knelt down, seeing an arrow sticking out in its hind leg. She looked into the Hallas eyes. "Elvar'nas no din." The halla dipped its head, giving her permission. She took out the arrow  
and began patching it, but in seconds the wound started to heal on its own. In minutes the Halla was standing. It bowed its head to her, turning its head toward its back. Understanding, she climbed on, giving a soft pat on the side, she suddenly felt  
herself whisper. "Ma'dassan." As if it approved it suddenly lurched forward and began running.

She snapped herself out of her thoughts, looking around she realized where they were headed, she looked down at her friend, drawing her brows together. As if knowing she was looking down, she shook her head, not giving a reason as to why they were heading  
where they were. They reached the edge of the forest. The large rocky road led to a cliff that was surround by water and more mountains off in the distance. The only thing that stood out more was the large building at the cliffs edge, she watched  
as the large tower in the center suddenly lit up, glowing a vibrant red. Suddenly Ma'dassan lurched forward. It was the first time she felt nervous as the large building came closer.

Tevinter Imporium.

 **Translations:**

 **Lin Ghi'la Elgara I Evune - Blood guide the sun and moon**

 **Ma'Dassan - Little Arrow**

 **Ghilani ma Falon - Guide me my friend**

 **Esha'Lin - Blood child**

 **Ma'lin I Elgar Mya Elgara I Evune - My blood and spirit follow the sun and moon**

 **Josa - Run**

 **Elvar'nas no din - I mean no death (harm)**

 **If I missed any I apologize, please let me know what you think and any opinions. Thanks! The next chapter will be a flashback of sorts.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. : I apologize if this chapter seems rushed at all, either way I hope you enjoy!**

-3 years ago, after Trespasser-

She watched the castle come to life from her balcony, her arms resting behind her back, just watching. Her body had slowly become pale over the course of the past couple weeks, her hair was turning almost ash losing the vibrant white it used to be, her eyes were slowly losing the bright green, darkening each day. At first she thought she was sick, but something in her told her it was something more. She never laughed, or smiled, she just did her job. She wasn't sure why she stuck around Skyhold anymore, there was nothing tying her back to this place, sure, she had her fellow companions, and Dorian, but her heart wasn't in it anymore, it turned into a place to stay rather than a home.

Her ear twitched and she tilted her head slightly, listening as the door to her chambers opened and closed and steps made its way up and to her. She turned her head back to the people, more had flooded out and began working in the garden, checking on the herbs and plants.

"My dear, not surprised you're up already." Dorian stood beside her, looking down before shifting his stance to face her.

"What is it?" Even her voice sounded more harsh, as though it lost emotion. She glanced at him, his face held sadness.

"Scout Harding sent a report stating that a small march of 15 Qun or so were heading this way, she reported that they had the mark of the Vadassala."

"How far out are they?"

"At least an 8 day ride, we already packed and the horses are ready, we were just waiting on you."

"Let's go."

She turned on her heal and began walking back into the room, gathering a few items and tossing them into a pack. She felt a soft touch on her shoulder.

"Ellana, please, talk to me." She looked up to meet his gaze, he was concerned that much she could tell.

"About what Dorian?" She lifted her arms in exasperation. "I can see the change that is happening to me, I know you all can, they avoid me. I'm not at home anymore Dorian….." She grabbed her pack, hoisting it over her shoulder. "My heart's not in it anymore…." Before he could answer, she made her way down the stairs and into the main hall, she watched as a few of the other elves moved around her not making eye contact. Sighing, she left for the stables. This wasn't home anymore.

-6 days later-

They crouched and waited in the bush, the Qun had made camp in the small clearing, they watched as they pitched tents and laughed amongst themselves.

"Do you think they'll be surprised?"

"Even if they're not, the ones on the inside will surely give them a night to remember!" The two Qun started laughing as they walked into their tent. Quietly she whispered to her companions.

"Cassandra, inform Cullen what is going on as well as Leliana. Take Varric, Sera, and Vivienne with you. The rest stay with me." They all gave a consecutive nod and moved, they waited until they were out of site and out of ear shot before moving in on the Qun. Silently they all took different tents, silencing the ones inside. She was about half way to the third tent when she felt a blade against her throat, she stilled. She felt breath on her cheek as he came closer.

"Now what's the old Inquisitor doing all the way out here?"

"Making sure the last of you don't cause any more trouble than you already have."

"Oh, but we are just finishing what you started." The blade dug harder into the side of her throat.

"You attacked the council first, we were only retaliating."

"True, but you won't be alive long enough to finish this war."

She managed to elbow the large Qun in the gut, but he had sliced down her jaw to her shoulder, blood poured down her chest, instantly covering the cloth. She twirled, bringing her foot up connecting with his face causing him to fall over, in an instant she was on top of him, dagger in heart. She glanced around as her vision blurred slightly. The last few were barging out of their tents causing them to all go into a full on fight. She ran to their aid, helping them as they all moved in a way they were familiar with. They had always had this odd sense on how to move when they were fighting, when to be somewhere and when to strike. Dorian struck the last standing Qun just as her strength gave out. She collapsed her hands landing hard on the ground, trying to keep her up. She saw blood pouring into the dirt. Her arms began to shake and they gave out. She managed to glance up seeing as her fellow companions bolt to her side though she didn't stay awake long enough to see them reach her.

Her eyes opened, her head was lightly bouncing against something, tilting her head up she saw Bull, he looked down at her, fear laced his face as he called out.

"Dorian!" In a slow movement, she was on her back against the ground. She tried speaking but only a small gasp came from her.

"Hey, hey. You can't speak right now. The cut he left on you is pretty deep, I've healed it as best as I could out here but it won't be enough. We ran out of healing potions so I'm afraid you'll have to endure." Swallowing she tried to speak again, only getting frustrated, finally her voice came out groggily and deep.

"h-how l-long?"

"We have 2 days left, we've been riding hard since the encampment. I ask you now dear, get some rest." With a slight nod, her eyes shut, lulling her back to sleep.

She awoke in the Infirmary, her shoulder and throat were aching and slowly she managed to sit up. Feeling a hand on her right shoulder, she saw Dorian, his face laced with concern and worry, his eyes glanced to the left of her, assuming he was looking at the bandage. Her voice came out harsh, like she hadn't drank water in days.

"The traitors?"

"We found them. They're in the dungeons awaiting trial."

She gave him a soft nod. She stared at her hands for a couple minutes, unsure what to say, or even how to say it. It was time for her to leave, that much she knew. Since they left the ruins nothing had been the same, for the most part they really only called upon her when they needed someone killed, or for the extra support. They weren't her family, that much she knew, maybe except Dorian but even he was looking at her like she was something else. Her heart only became colder, causing her emotions to hide, she now just ran through the motions but even that was starting to falter. Dorian softly grabbed her hands, holding them in his.

"Love, it's time." She met his gaze, his soft hazel eyes were now glossy as a few tears escaped. He gave his best crooked smile.

"I'm sorry…"

"No, it's not your fault. He left a hole no one can fill, I only wish I could give you more." He reached up to her face, gently stroking her cheek, she leaned into his hand. He really was the only family she felt she had. "You're like the young sister I never had, but I am glad to have met you. I hope our paths cross again." He kissed her forehead and lingered for a second before finally releasing her and leaving the infirmary. She watched as his shoulders slumped as he walked away, he didn't glance back at her, and the last remaining of her heart finally shattered.

-Present Day-

She pushed open the large doors, her neck gave a soft tingle as she remembered how it got there. She was never hesitant after that, the smallest threat she moved and she believed in her instincts now more than ever. Making her way down the hall she heard whispers amongst those who lingered. Some with drew their daggers or swords but never made a move on her. She kept hers holstered, keeping her hood and mask up, her cloak dragging behind her as her steps fell almost silent. Her ears twitched as she listened for the one voice she knew, making it easy to move around the giant Imperium. She made her way up the stairs, the mages easily moved out of her way, careful not to touch her in any way. Making her way down the end of the Corridor, she hesitated as she heard another voice, one she hadn't heard in a long time. Her feet carried her as she made her way through the doors, in a blur she held Elgara to his throat, careful not to look up at him, only catching Dorians eyes across the room, he was standing behind a rather large desk. He had a look of confusion and happiness, though that changed to annoyance quickly. The elf tried to move under her blade, but she caught his arm just as fast, never breaking contact with Dorians gaze.

"Dorian, I thought you told the Imperium I was coming."

"I did, but she was not informed. I haven't seen her in almost 3 years. I am surprised, and intrigued as to why she is here." Dorian placed the pen he had down on the desk as he made his way around, coming close to her but not touching her. She gave a soft nod of her head in the direction of the elf. "There is a lot you have missed, Esha'Lin." She let a small growl escape her throat, it was one thing for those to fear her name, but she never thought he would call her that. He held up his hands in defense and chuckled.

"Can you remove the blade from my throat? I would hate to destroy the room." This time she did let her eyes go to him. She pressed the blade harder to his throat, earning a drop of blood that slid down the blade, it hummed in approval. She looked over him, in a sense he had not changed since then. The only big difference was now he had hair. It was long, reaching down to mid chest, it was held loosely together by a single band over his right shoulder. The side of his head was shaved, she could only assume so was the other side. At his hairline, in the center was a small skull, she couldn't make out what it was. His tunic was off white, the deep v revealed his chest and the blackened jaw bone that rested against it. She met his eyes again, only now they were glowing a soft blue, he was clearly irritated.

"Dear, I rather like my study, could you not? At least not right now?" She scoffed, still not talking, just staring at him.

"You mean to tell me, she is not one of yours?" The elf turned his head slightly and faced Dorian who she assumed was standing to the far end of the room behind her.

"No, far from in, in fact my friend, you know her, though I suspect she looks MUCH different now." The elf slowly lowered his gaze again, his eyes glowing a harder blue than before as he looked her over. She cocked her head to the side watching him, curious if he could figure it out, though something told her, he wasn't exactly thrilled that she was making him bleed. He tried grabbing her wrist again, but she only dipped her head, sliding back, twirling Elgara in her fingers as she watched him. Blue electricity sparked in his fingers as he stepped towards her but she didn't move. Instead she let the anchor spark to life around Elgara giving off a soft purple, for the first time in a long time, she was amused. She didn't recall when it turned purple, it was probably right after he thought he took it, or at least helped subside it. Over the years she trained herself on magic, allowing it to be apart of her instead of fighting it and letting it rip through her body. Many times she thought of just cutting off her arm and being done with it, but now as she watched his expression, she was glad she kept up with it. As quick as he was surprised he masked it with anger again. He sent a mass bolt at her, but she just twirled out of the way as though she was dancing, she watched as he became more frustrated. In amusement, she sheathed Elgara and dispersed the anchor.

He lunged at her, then began moving around the room, she was careful not to knock into anything. She noticed though that his power slowly subsided, only his eyes remained glowing. With that distraction he managed to grab her, though he instincts kicked in, she spun and lowered herself, kicking out his leg making him stagger back letting her go. It was Dorian's voice that knocked them both out of their fight. Though her eyes never left him.

"Enough. I get it, you're both equally good fighters, can we just got on with it?" He stepped in between them, exchanging glances. Sighing he turned to her, she lingered before meeting Dorian's gaze. "What brings you here Ellana?" Slowly she lifted away her hood, pulling away her mask, revealing just the flicker of the scar on her jaw the led down her neck and disappeared in her clothing. She sighed, her voice sounding like poisoned silk, it's not how she meant to speak, it was just how her voice appeared now.

"Ma'Dassan. She brought me here. I trust her intentions, though I never expected…." She tilted her head, a sickly smile spreading as she looked at the elf. "Fen'Harel himself." She watched as he flinched slightly at the name, his eyes were now back to their darkened grey color, watching her. She flickered her eyes back to Dorian who just rolled his eyes.

"I was not expecting you of all people. Including him. That's what you get for being out of touch for so long." It was her turn to roll her eyes, crossing her arms she watched them. Gesturing with her hand, he urged him to continue talking, giving a soft laugh as he did. "Back do not talking again?" He moved back to the desk, walking around Solas and pointing to the map. "We were discussing plans to bring the elvhen back, without destroying everything, though it's been a plan in the making for 2 years now." She walked over, making sure to stay at least an arms length away from Solas. She was sure if there was contact, she would stab him, an amused smile crept across her face, she wondered if she was fast enough to do so. "He wants the veil to be dropped, and well, in doing so our world would be over run by corrupted spirits at an incredible rate there would be nothing left. We thought of a way to slowly open the veil in certain spots across Thedas, it would take years, maybe centuries, but slowly the spirits would wander and the Elvhen would be restored. We were go-" She started laughing, it was manic, but then again, she hadn't laughed in years. She looked at the two men who's faces were puzzled, though Solas was just getting more annoyed again, nothing new with that she noted.

"Something amusing to you Da'Len?" He glowered at her, she stared at him, anger rose through her, the amusement gone. Her fingers twitched, feeling the hilt of her dagger. His eyes darted to her fingers, his eye brow quirking in the annoying way she remembered. He then met her eyes again, only this time he let out a small gasp before collecting himself. She saw Dorian in her vision next, his hand was on her cheek, slightly touching her as though she would break.

"Enough love, enough." She snickered and moved out of his touch, and moved to the other side of the room, leaning against the wall. She pulled her hood and mask up again, as though a blanket of extra armor came on. She waved her hand and gestured them to continue, instead of watching them though, she stared at the door.

"Right… Well, we have managed to open a couple over Thedas, but the one we needed help on is the biggest one. According to Solas there is a giant 'soft spot' if you will above Skyhold. If we can manage to softly open it, it might be the biggest help of all." Her voice was cold and harsh.

"If this doesn't work, you would condemn hundreds of lives in Skyhold. If you do succeed, what happens then? The people who've made a home now have to leave because a god would demand it was his former Elvhen home and that they are better, suited, to live there?" From the corner of her eye she saw a flicker of blue. She waited but no one answered her, finally turning she looked at them, Dorian's gaze was down at the map his brows furrowed. Solas was looking at her, his eyes glowing again, his hands balled into fists. "I would lend my strength, but if it is to be apart of something that would condemn those who already have life, a home, I will not." She glanced at Dorian whose gaze was still down at the map. She reached into her cloak, making the chain jingle causing him to finally look up. "When you figure that out, call upon me." He stared at the locket as though is was something of a lost treasure. "You never called, so I assumed you never needed me."

She gave a soft bow and left the room, closing the large door behind her. She made her way back out, Ma'Dassan made her way to the entrance, without stopping she climbed on top of her. She took off without hesitation, she glanced behind her and saw Solas standing at the steps, hands crossed behind his back as always. She faced forward again, burying her head in her friend, anger was seething through her, she knew she would see him again, and soon, something in her told her, he was going to go after her, no matter how fast or far she ran.


	3. Chapter 3

She had made her way to the coast of Arlathan Forest, it wasn't ideal, but at least here there was coverage. She let Ma'Dassan roam as she climbed one of the tree's. She made it halfway up before stopping, glancing down she could still see some of the ground, it wasn't the best advantage point, but she also knew she couldn't be seen from the ground either. She sat against the trunk, dangling one of her legs as she began sharpening one of the blades, letting her thoughts wander.

He looked the same, yet somehow, so different. He looked, comfortable, she couldn't remember the last time he looked like that over the years she knew him. The only time he remotely looked at peace was when he was walking through the Fade, telling her stories of past relics, castles, warriors and hero's. He had seemed bigger as well, she remembered him being almost scrawny, though now, now he was much more. She shook her head, veering her thoughts.

She was angry, that was for sure. That emotion she knew too well. He had left her, just like that, she begged him to let her help, let her stand by his side, that she loved him and didn't want to see him alone, but he just casted her aside, after everything, she finally saw she was nothing to him but a means to gain more power. It was her own fault really, her mother told her that men were to not be trusted, they were full of broken promises and lies, even if it sounded like the sweetest honey.

Glancing down she saw Ma'Dassan looking up at her, her held tilted to the side.

"I'm fine my friend. Remembering the past." She looked away, going back to grazing the grass around the tree she was in.

She mindlessly twirled on of the blades in her fingers, watching as the branches and leaves moved slightly with the wind. It was the most she had spoken in years, she did speak, but only when it was necessary and in only so few words. That was the longest she held a sentence. She hated herself for the fact that after all this time, all these years, he still got to her. That all this time she still felt, something, towards that damn elven god. Self-righteous, prideful, childish, arrogant of an elf. She suddenly felt something pull on her, her eyes darted around her noticing how Ma'Dassan was in a protective stance now, alert. Steadily she let herself drop, silencing her steps as they touched the ground. The Halla's ears twitched noting that she was now standing next to her. There was a presence around them, something powerful, what it was, she wasn't sure. She placed a hand on Ma'Dassan, closing her eyes, she left herself drift, her senses becoming in tune with the Halla's, slowly everything came over her. She could hear, see and smell what the Halla could. There was something else, a strong feeling, as though they were being hunted. Opening her eyes once more, she stepped in front of Ma'Dassan as though to protect her. She felt a nudge on her hand but she ignored it, keeping her eyes glued to the forest around them. The magic thrummed to life in her finger tips casting a soft purple around them. Her right ear twitched a little more causing her to turn, sending a flash of lightning in the direction only to be met with a soft blue. The anchor became a darker purple and started crackling around them, a clear warning to whoever was approaching. The figure slowly came into view and it was then that Ma'Dassan charged, head tilted down, antlers fast approaching. A flash caught her eye and she retaliated, sending the bolt away from the Halla. Fade stepping, she stepped in from the Halla deflecting a blow of a dagger with her own. It was then her lavender eyes clashed with blue. The face looking down at her was amused, while hers was filled with anger.

"Elvyr." Her free hand stopped the Halla from attacking, though it remained where it stood. "Is's emma." She watched as his eye brow quirked just as she went to kick out while sending a surge of energy through her fingers. He easily dodged though quite alarmed at the brutality of the attack. He tried to speak but she went for another attack. For a while she seemed to be the one attacking while he just dodged. She finally stopped her anger seething through her. "Diana!" He stared at her, confusion written on his face.

"You think I am idiotic? I would not allow you to kill me Ellana." This time Ma'Dassan snorted, mocking him. He glared at the Halla, but she only stepped in front, her anger still pouring from her in waves. "Will you not speak to me Vhenan?"

At that she snapped, she heard the light steps of Ma'Dassan behind her running. She would be back, she always did, but now, now all she felt was rage and power surge through her. The anchor consumed her, causing her skin to darken more, her eyes to glow purple as it crackled around her. The trees around them started to splinter, the ground beneath them shaking, in a blink she was standing in front of him, her face devoid of emotion as she watched his. He was scared yet in awe as she stood before him, though his demeanor changed, causing his eyes to glow blue, his own power trying to fight with hers, but before he could let his power go, she spoke, her voice booming through the forest.

"What makes you believe I want to talk to you?" Before he could say anything, she punched him, landing just under his chin causing him to take a few steps back, but she was on him again. "I hardly speak or see anyone because of you, and now, now…" She hit him again, desperately wishing he would fight back, it had been too long since she had a decent sparring, and he would be the perfect punching bag. His head whipped around and faced her, his eyes glowing a darkened blue, he attempted a swing at her but she only dodged, spinning out of his reach, smiling to herself as he was falling for the bait. "After all these years, not once, not once! Did you come to see me, find me, check on me." He sent a ball of fire at her, moving in time as it grazed her shoulder, the smallest form of blood formed. The ground beneath them was trembling as they each tried to land a blow on the other. They did this for a while, but she was growing tired, tired that she would still fight with him, that she still somehow loved him, that throughout all the pain from the years of believing she would remain alone, dark. At that, she dropped her hands, the power subsiding, she turned and began walking away from him. She felt a surge of power hurdle towards her, moving to the side a ball of fire whipped by her again. Not looking at him she began walking again, keeping her back to him.

She felt a quick breeze and he was suddenly standing in front of her, though the rage was gone from his expression, only his eyes remained glowing though they were slowly dissipating. She looked him over before moving around him, but he just stepped in front of her again. Clenching her hand into a fist she made to move around him again, this time he reached for her arm making her turn and land her fist to his chin. Watching him, he held his gaze to the side before looking at her again, she could feel herself shaking.

"I'm done. Go crawl back to the depths you crawled out of." His eyes darted, looking over her face, though he didn't show any emotion, just continued to stare at her before speaking.

"I looked for you." A scoff came from her as she rolled her eyes. "Despite what you must think, I did look for you. Though my method's may not have been resourceful as I thought." She raised an eyebrow at him, the corner of his lip twitched. "I looked in the Fade for a trace of you, I tho-" She waved her hand back in forth in the air, cutting him off.

"I don't want an explanation of how you looked for me." She took a step closer, a finger poking into his chest. "If you truly wanted me found, you would have found me, we both know that." She let a small spark escape her finger tips before taking her hand back. "I stopped caring long ago." Her expression went blank, bringing thoughts and memories back to when she first finally realized he wasn't coming back. She pushed back her hood, her long braid falling against her back, she left the scarf fall away from her face showing the edge of the scar on her neck. His eyes flickered to it she saw him attempt to take a step towards her but he stopped himself.

"I…" His brows furrowed together, she watched as he tried to think of something, anything clever to say or apologize, though she knew the only thing that would make her see any reason would be the truth. Though she knew him, and knew he would die before he told her the truth. She gave a soft whistle that seemed to travel with the wind. They stood in silence as Ma'Dassan came back, slowly making its way towards them, clearly still hesitant. When she gave a click of her tongue, it seemed to perk up, standing by her side in an instant. She ran a hand over the top of its head, the short fur was always soft, something she was thankful for.

"It is rare for one to have a Halla bow down." She sent a glare over her shoulder to him, only earning a quirking eyebrow from him.

"She does not bow down to me, nor I to her."

"Interesting." Slowly he stepped towards the Halla, earning a loud snort, though he still walked towards her, instinctually she stood in front, causing him to stop an arm's length away. "I will not harm the creature, merely interested." She remained where she was, they stood like that, staring at each other as she protectively stood in front of Ma'Dassan. Ma'Dassan suddenly bumped her with her head, causing her to stumble forward into Solas. He caught her by the shoulders, though his grip was light as though he was afraid to touch her. She looked up at him, eyes wide, she was about to move away when his hands tightened, his eyes going soft. She pushed away from, a little to gently for her liking. She managed to take a couple steps before she found herself pinned against a tree. She was about to yell at him again but instead she was met with his lips crashing into hers. Her hands balled into fists in his tunic, her eyes shut as hard as she could. His hand cupped the back of her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair giving a soft tug. She felt her walls starting to crumble as she began to kiss him back. With the little strength, she had left she pushed him back, enough to keep him at arm's length.

"No. You don't get to leave and come back like this." Her voice was barley a whisper. She felt his hand gently wrap around bother her wrist.

"Ellana. I-"

"No." she felt tears begin to well for the first time in years. "You won't give me the answers I want or need. I can't do this Solas." she gave him another shove before mounting Ma'Dassan, with a click of her tongue the Halla took off. She didn't look back just took off. She knew he could find her again, it was so simple for him, they both knew that. She just hoped he would give her the space she needed, but he had yanked her from the Halla, causing the air to leave her lungs as her back hit the ground, in an instant he was on top of her. She was only dazed for a second, shaking her head she looked up at him, his features had darkened, making her want to cower, but she stood her ground, glaring at him.

"Ellana."

"What do you want me to say? Hmm? You want me to say these past years haven't been hard, they have been happy, healthy and that I have moved on?" She watched his reaction, but he only held his gaze. She let her magic surge to her hand, letting it build as she talked. "You broke me in ways that I never thought possible. You broke every promise you ever made to me, you not only took my heart, you threw it away the second you got a chance to. Love me? You never loved me Solas, you were only infatuated with the first elf that took an interest in the past. Had it been anyone else, you would have done the same thing." She then got her arm free, sending him flying off her, she stalked towards him as he tried to stand. "You could've found me any chance you wanted to, instead you run and hide and go to everyone else. Do you want to know why they never spoke of me?" She tilted her head, watching as he finally stood only for her to strike him down, causing him to groan in pain, a small smile escaped from her. "It is because they do not know what I have become. They do not understand the elvhen lore. They do not know of an elf going dark because none have gone dark in centuries. You turned me into the one thing that can't be saved." She watched as the anger rose from him, but she only pinned him to the ground, holding his throat tight her grip, aware he could over power her any chance he wanted. "You took the last piece of my heart that could love, that willed to love, now you have to live with what you made me." She lingered a second longer before getting up, without looking back she walked away, whistling for Ma'Dassan once more, though this time she walked, waiting a few steps before mounting and finding a small cave to rest for the night. When she knew, she was out of his view, she allowed herself to shake. Anger and sadness ran through her veins but she couldn't will herself to cry. Slowing down, she played with the amulet, wanting to call on an old friend. When she was about to say no, she heard the Halla snort at her, as though mocking her. Sticking out her tongue she opened the amulet, taking a deep breath before talking into it.

"Dorian?"

Diana - Stop

Is's emma - He's mine

Elvyr - Easy


	4. Chapter 4

"I get to not only see you for the first time in 3 years, but I also get that sweet voice of yours twice? Luck must surely be on my side." She shook her head as she could see him clutching his heart, always for the dramatics.

"It has been to long my friend."

"Your damn right it's been to long!" She could hear the anger rise in his voice.

"I'm sorry."

She meant it, the small part of her was still very fond of the Tervinter mage, or now ambassador. He had felt like the only family she had, despite him being human. His oddities and mannerisms only made him that much more likeable in her eyes as she saw  
the way people rolled their eyes or avoided him altogether, she remembered him telling her if they left they weren't meant to be in his life, so good riddance.

"No. No, I am sorry, I should've seen what was happening, should've helped in some way."

"Dorian, you couldn't have helped, not down the path I was going. That I'm on."

"I don't believe you. You were heart broken love, I should have seen how much you were heart broken. After your past, I should have known better." She could hear him cursing to himself, it made her smile, despite the years of ignoring him, he was still  
thinking of her well being. "Tell me what you've been up to all these years, you should have some stories no?"

"Where do you want me to begin?" She heard him chuckle.

"From the beginning, of course love."

She spent countless hours telling him of everything she had done. From assassinations, walking among the fade exploring the old ruins and finding spirits to tell her tales. She spent the better part alone, always sticking to the shadows or staying in  
taverns that no one really knew. She told him how she met her friend, Ma'Dassan.

"Wait, you mean to tell me you slaughtered some guys in the forest then gained a Halla as both friend and hart? You never seem to amaze me." She could hear him laughing, it was music to her ears as most of the time she heard screaming, or pleas to spare  
them.

"I don't see how that is amusing in the slightest." It only made him laugh harder.

"It would be like me riding on a pink sparkly horse, it would be entertaining my dear as it would suite me to much."

"I don't see how- "

"Bloody hell…" His voice suddenly became serious, she could hear the faint noises in the background, of what she wasn't sure, at least until she heard something crashing.

"Dorian, what's going on?"

"I don't know what you said to him love, but he is destroying half of my imperium."

"Who?"

"Who do you think? He came storming through, and just started destroying the place, Solas that's a valuable ob-, or not, I know you're not to fond of seeing people, but seeing as you caused his sudden rage could you at least come and calm him down?"

"Fenedhis, I can-."

"Oh hell, he's gotten into the library. Why is it always _my_ place?"

With that the amulet went dead. Sighing she looked down to her friend who had already taken off in the direction of the imperium. She would never understand how she knew, but she would never argue. She was still angry herself from the encounter and now  
she was going to calm him down. Funny how you don't see or hear from people in years and suddenly you're thrown back into their lives once more. She looked at the sky, wondering what the gods had in store for them now.

She had reached the imperium, entering through the large doors once more she could hear the crashing down the hall and shouting voices. Shaking her head, she made her way down, aware of the uneasy eyes that watched her go.

Stopping outside the large wooden doors, she gently pushed open, peeking inside only to gasp at the mess. The shelves were shattered, as was most of the furniture. There were scorch marks on almost every wall and object, she then let her eyes fall upon  
the two men in the centre of the room, unaware of her presence, slowly she made her way in, placing a hand on her hip as she watched them. She was quite impressed at the level of wreckage in just a mere hour or so.

"You're allowed to be angry, but holy hell Solas, you can't come barging into my home and wrecking everything you see!"

"Would you rather me destroy the people around us? It would be so easy to change course."

"Dammit Solas… That's not- "

"Not what?" They now stood an arms length between each other, both begging the other to swing.

"So, this is what you do when you have no punching bag." She gave a slow clap as she walked towards the two of them. "Not only have you managed to make me talk more in the past 5 years, you've managed to destroy the imperium my dear friend has worked  
so hard to build, how am I suppose to take that?" She watched as Dorian all but rolled his eyes heading towards the door. His hands still balled into fists, she would hear about it later, that she was sure of, most likely she would be helping him  
restore the room, as best as they could.

"Just, try not to destroy anything more." With that he was gone, leaving the two of them in the room during destruction. She watched as his hands turned into fists, clearly wanting to hit something once more. Rolling her eyes, she threw a book at him,  
causing him to growl at her, which in turn made her raise an eyebrow.

"Really going for the wolf thing, are we?" She picked up another book, chucking it at him again, only this time he caught it. She had her own anger to deal with, and throwing it at the biggest cause seemed to be appropriate.

"Stop throwing the books." She lifted another book, tossing it between her hands before throwing it at him. Challenging him.

"Or what? Nothing else you can do to me. You're angry at god knows what- "She stopped and suddenly laughed realizing what she had said. "Wait, I guess you would know." She met his anger gaze and only began to laugh harder, tears now forming in her eyes  
and her stomach began to cramp. Catching her breath, she looked up at him again, only now he held an amusing smile. "Oh, the wolf has regained his composure." It was his turn to roll his eyes at her.

"Are you really going with wolf jokes, Vhenan." She all but growled back at him, hurtling another book at him, but he only slightly moved to the side, easily dodging in. This time he chuckled.

"Now whose angry?" He dodged another book, and hastily made his way in front of her, he towered over her. Assuming he was trying to intimidate her she just stood there, head inclined clearly annoyed. They stayed like that for a moment longer before he  
sighed and took a step back.

"I have a right to be angry. Why are you so angry?" She crossed her arms over her chest, watching him carefully.

"As much as I want my people to arise once more, I did not want you to walk the path you've chosen." She gave a bitter laugh.

"You didn't want this for me? Really?" It was his turn to snap at her.

"No! No…. I believed walking away was better, would be better."

"It is actually." She gave a dark smile, earning him to raise an eyebrow. "You turned me heartless, you made me one of the best assassins Thedas has seen." She gave a slight bow as though to exaggerate her comment.

"You are not heartless."

"Oh? And you would know?"

"Yes."

"Oh, my dear, you've changed me for the worse. I'm sure you are aware of a dark elf?" She watched his eyes flicker to an unreadable expression before turning back to normal.

"Yes, I have heard and witnessed long ago. You, Vhenan, are not one of them."

"Seriously Solas? You are really trying to take the highroad here? Trying to make yourself feel better?"

"There is no high ground here, I am merely stating you are not what you claim to be."

"Right, because you would know, the great Fen'Harel knows all!"

"Yes."

In an instant, his lips were pressed hard against hers, she stilled for a moment, shocked at the sudden change in demeanor. His arm was pressed against her back holding her in place as the other held onto her neck, keeping her head there. She tried to  
push him off, but her arms were pinned between them. She surged as much magic as she could, pushing it against him but it seemed to roll right off him. Wave after wave she tried to push against him, to make him leave her so many times before, but  
he would not move, only insisting on kissing harder. She felt her mind shift, slowly, so slowly her body began to betray her. Panic rose through her, but it did not stop.

She hadn't realized how much she craved him, how much she wanted him by her side once more. How much she wanted to _feel_ once more. It that instant, she let herself melt into him. His hands eased on her, only to tilt her head at a better angle.  
The kiss softened, her now free arms allowed her hands to grab hold of his tunic, trying to draw him in more. He finally broke the kiss, leaning his forehead to hers, his breath shaky.

"Ir abelas, Vhenan. Truly." She broke. After all the years of shutting everything, making sure she distance herself from everyone, including herself. It only took him mere hours to destroy everything she built up. Emotions washed over her and she dropped  
to her knees, he was still holing her, fear on his face, brows knitted together. Her heart pounded against her chest, coming alive once more after years of neglect. She screamed in pain as the tears fell from her eyes, blurring her vision. It was  
then she noticed she couldn't breath, panic arose in her once more. She could hear him speaking, but the words fell short on her ears.

This wasn't fair, how could he, how could they all. She shut herself down for a reason, and it took a mere day to destroy it all. To bring back the memories, the feelings, everything flooded her senses at once, leaving her useless and unable to cope.  
She could hear more screaming, though she just assumed it was her. More voices, more hands. She only clutched to the person who was still in front of her. As though it was her lifeline, her rock.

She had let herself go numb for a reason, for a cause. For him to take that away from her, to so easily betray her own heart once more. It wasn't fair, the memory of him leaving her in the fade, at the defeat of Corypheus and when he turned his back on  
her in the ruins. HE walked away from her and yet somehow, years later she was at his side once more, clinging to him as though he was breath itself. She hated how pathetic, weak and child she felt and could only imagine how she looked. Her body was  
trembling uncontrollable as the waves of emotion washed over her.

She then felt a wave of magic wash over her, it calmed her slightly, allowing her to breath, but it made her tired, weak. She fought hard to keep her eyes open, to make sure this wasn't a dream, or a nightmare, but her will wasn't as strong as the magic  
that weaved its way around her, soothing her to fall, to bend to it, and slowly she did. Finally, she let her eye lids flutter closed, falling into his arms who securely wrapped around her. It was warm, something she hadn't felt in a long time, and  
slowly it lulled her to sleep.

The sleep that came was not calming. She was standing in the darkness, alone once more. It was her blanket of comfort, not seeing the light or the false hopes that were dangled in front of her. She walked around in the darkness, not willing to go anywhere.  
For a long time, all she had was nightmares, waking in cold sweats shaking from the loss, from the pain of it all. Slowly, with time, she managed to detour her mind to not dream at all, and with it the nightmares stopped.

The darkness was cruel just as much as the light, but to her she had found comfort in the darkness, she knew there were bad things out there, she knew that at any moment death could claim her without a second thought or remorse. She would welcome it of  
course, with open arms, but she wasn't foolish enough to allow herself to put herself in those dangers. If it came, she would welcome it, but she wouldn't willingly put herself in those moments. Many times, she thought of ending her own life, ending  
the pain, the lack thereof after the years, but for some reason as she would hold the dagger to her heart she couldn't bring herself to take that final leap.

Maybe she would walk forever, never going anywhere, just walking, wondering. She would wither away, never to become something other than the darkness that consumed her. The pain and emotion with it all was too much for her, it was to sudden. All the broken  
promises, the way he walked away from her, leaving as though she meant nothing to the vast of it all. How long could she walk before she withered away? How long before the world forgot about her, lost in old memories, stories and myths.

She kept walking, not sure where she was going when she heard a voice, it came as a wave, making her gasp. She couldn't make out the words at first, it was to distant, to far for her ears to pick up the words. Then suddenly they were ringing loud in her  
ears as though there was someone standing right behind her.

"Pain. Pain. Why won't they let me live in pain? The pain is better, it is always reliable, it is real." Slowly the darkness faded showing her dark green grass, a soft green glow came around her, a figure came towards her, slowly it came into focus revealing  
a young man who wore a hat far to big for him. She hadn't seen the spirit in so long.

"Cole." He smiled at her, lifting his head showing his face, he hadn't aged a single day. Though she supposed spirits wouldn't age.

"He wants to help. He begs for you. Heart aches, painful, wish could change past." He now stood in front of her, the blank expression on his face telling her he was in tuned to the emotions around him. "Want to let him in but fear takes over. Used to  
dark. No light. He could bring light but he would leave. Will break even more."

"Cole…" the spirit snapped himself out of it, his face saddening.

"I am not helping?"

"No, Cole, it's…." She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's been a long time." He didn't smile at her, the sadness still apparent on his face. Sighing, she looked around her, it had been many years since she walked the fade. "He left a scar on  
my heart Cole, to let him back it could cause more pain, more than I could bare this time."

"He does not wish to leave your side. He had not realized the impact he had. That you held his heart and he yours. He wishes to help, to change. It is why he is here, does not want to destroy world. Vhenan's world." She looked at him once more though  
now he smiled. "You have chosen. Years turn to dust at the possibility. A chance. All he asks now is: Wake up."

Her eyes snapped open, the brightness of the sun making her wince closing her eyes once more. She felt a hand brush on her cheek, her brows came together in confusion. Opening them once more, the sun was blocked by a figure leaning over her. His blue  
eyes staring back at her with concern. His eyes darted over her face searching for anything, but she was only confused trying to recall what had happened. Looking around she saw she was in a room, it was large though only held a few items as though  
it wasn't a room that was of much use. There were a few tables scattered around, a dresser off to the side and the large bed she was on. She sat up, noticing how Solas was sitting on the edge of the bed, she then noticed the bags under his eyes as  
though he hadn't slept in days.

The memory came back, the arguing, yelling, the mess, the sudden feeling of his lips on hers. The emotions the wracked her body. She remembered the flood of emotion and as if on que they came back, hitting her like waves. She remembered the wave of magic  
that flooded her senses lulling her to sleep. She felt the tears fall, she began to tremble once more. The sudden jerk of her face she was now looking at Solas again. Each hand on either side of her face, holding her gaze.

"Breathe, Vhenan, breathe." She clutched to his wrists, unable to shake the feeling of loss, that somehow, he would disappear again. She denied herself to feel for to long, and in a matter of days he had managed to make them come back with full force  
against her will. His mouth was moving, forming words but she couldn't hear them, panic rose in her once more. She looked into his eyes, they were pleading with her to listen but she couldn't, her chest was tightening, her breathing becoming shallow.  
She was lurched forward, his lips found hers, it was gentle but enough to startle her out of her panic. For a moment, she wanted to fight back, push away and run, but it quickly vanished, her grip on his wrists loosening. He placed their foreheads  
together. "Breathe." She tried to follow his breathing, but she kept going back to shallow breaths. Her eyes caught the jawbone that hung from his neck, her shaking fingers reached out to it. She felt him still for a moment as her fingers brushed  
against it, the calming that came from it, the sense of comfort that came from just holding it. He relaxed as she did, her breathing returning to normal. They stayed like that, foreheads together, her fingers holding onto the charred jawbone. It was  
then she choked out a sob, still holding onto the bone her other hand clutched to his tunic, refusing to let go. He brought her in closer, playing with her hair as she sobbed into him. It wasn't for pain, it wasn't for him, it was for her. For so  
long she denied a tear and now it came pouring out of her. When she managed to calm a little, her voice was shaky and hoarse.

"Why?" He was silent for awhile, still playing with her hair. He let out a sigh his head resting on top of hers.

"When I heard, you disbanded the Inquisition I had assumed you were done with that life. That you wanted nothing to do with the people, with the power, with me." She gave a bitter laugh, making him still for a moment before calming.

"I stayed for a year, hoping you would come to me, I clung to that false hope and when it never came I left. There was nothing keeping me there, it wasn't home without my heart."

"Ir abelas, Vhenan. I thought I was doing the right thing leaving." She pushed away slightly, enough so she could look up at him. She brought her hand to his face, tracing from his temple down to his jawline, finally resting on his lips.

"You never gave me a chance, a _choice_." Her hand fell to his chest once more, she realized then he wasn't wearing a shirt under his tunic leaving his chest bare. "You ask me now to trust you, on what grounds _can_ I trust you? To know you  
won't leave me again when you believe there to be no other choice? I won't survive it again…." Her voice broke at the last line, she knew it to be true. If she were to give him this chance, to let herself feel once more she couldn't come back from  
it if he left her once more. It was selfish, but she knew how bonding was told among the elves. If you've truly find the one, your heart gives out when you separate, either through death or otherwise. She witnessed countless men and women perishing  
when hearing of their love one's dead or leaving. She knew she couldn't live knowing he was out there not by her side, and she not by his. His finger came under her chin, lifting it gently so she was looking at him once more.

"Vhenan, I will not depart from your side. I would not see you harmed once more because of my doing. Because of my pride. I only ask now you give me that chance to prove it." His eyes flickered to her lips.

"No more half truths, no more riddles. If you believe I can not handle the truth now, if you believe I can not handle the truth in the future then leave. I can't handle the lies and I refuse to let you believe I don't deserve it."

"Ma nuvenin."

He brought her lips to him, it was gentle, but she wanted a promise. She pulled him closer with her hand still tightly wrapped around the bone. She didn't want to wish, she wanted a promise, the last promise he would ever make to her and the only one  
he would never break. Sensing this, his hand went behind her neck, incline her head even more. Her teeth grazed his bottom lip earning a soft growl from him, but he gave her entrance. Their tongues danced a familiar dance as they did so long ago.  
Her hand never loosened from the jawbone, determined to keep him in place. They finally broke apart, their noses touching as they panted. His eyes telling her he would do anything she asked, anything she wanted. He spoke before they came together  
once more. Her heart beating as it once did, returning the color to her skin, her hair becoming a vibrant white once more, her eyes returning to their bright emerald color.

"Fen'Harels Vhenan is mar."

 **A.N.: I might do another chapter, something that's a couple years down the road, but with so many fics on the go, can't promise anything but thanks for reading.**

 **Fen'Harels Vhenan is mar – Dread Wolf's heart is yours.**


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